Conversations are constantly happening between the coach and player about the demands of the game, technical adjustments, tactical teaching and more. The majority of conversations do not and should not involve parents. However, when the conversations are about the player’s development, the coach’s expectations, or stressful situations such as playing time or positional choices – involving a parent in the discussion will make the discussion most effective (unless the parent is being a Crazy Soccer Parent).
Believe me, I understand and appreciate coaches and professors will not be communicating with parents when our children go to college. This future fact (developing them for college) should not be used by youth coaches as a reason for not involving parents in present day discussions. In truth, the fact that college coaches and professors will not talk to parents should be the primary reason youth coaches are diligent in their efforts to develop the communication skills our children will need later in life.
How do we develop those skills in our children?…Through coach and parent collaboration.
Coaches and parents in youth sports must collaborate in developing the listening, processing and remembering skills our children will need to have meaningful conversations with their collegiate coaches, educators and even future employers.
I also understand as the players mature from 12 years old to 17 years old, this policy needs to shift from involving parents in the important conversations to, AT TIMES, NOT INVOLVING PARENTS in the important conversations as our children begin to grasp and even master the necessary communication skills.
There are two primary reasons why involving the parents in discussions is important:
MIS-INFORMATION
The information delivered from the coach to the player is not always the information taken in from the player and then delivered from the player to the parent.
NON-INFORMATION
The information delivered from the coach to the player does not always get delivered, in any form, from the player to the parent. When the information is about stressful issues such as playing time or positional issues, the lack of connection between the coach and parent can lead to Crazy Soccer Parent behavior.
This MIS-INFORMATION and NON-INFORMATION is not intentional on the part of our children – it is because they lack the maturity and listening skills and processing skills and remembering skills to bring the information home, or even understand it themselves, in it’s intended form. With this in mind, collaboration between the coach and parent will best teach our children these important skills.
Here’s a perfect example from a coaching situation I had:
